


it's not living (if it's not with you)

by happilyy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Co-Generals, First Kiss, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, POV Finn (Star Wars), Pre Battle of Exegol, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22179904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyy/pseuds/happilyy
Summary: Finn pauses for a moment. His next words could change everything. His heart is hammering away in his chest, setting fire to his insides and making everything sharpen to focus on the man standing in front of him.“You mean a lot to me, Poe,” he breathes out, determined to not look away from him. “And I want the people that mean something to me to know about this part of myself. Even if it won’t matter soon enough.”Poe’s breath shudders from him, his hands squeezing Finn’s. “It will always matter. Whatever happens. You’re Finn, a Resistance General, and you have the Force. They can't change that now.”-Or: The fic based on the deleted scene of Poe patting Finn's shoulder before the Battle of Exegol.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 27
Kudos: 389
Collections: Finn Centric Recommendations





	it's not living (if it's not with you)

**Author's Note:**

> here we go, my first star wars fic! 
> 
> this fic is based on the gif of poe and finn standing in front of poe's x-wing that was in one of the tv spots. i'm assuming this will be a deleted scene, but here's my version of it!
> 
> i would like to dedicate this fic to both anna and olivia. thank you both so much for being wonderful friends and cheerleaders! and a huge thank you to anna for being a beta!
> 
> enjoy!

_Breathe._

_In and out. Just breathe._

Finn exhales harshly, his hands shaking where they rest in his lap. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing and the solid feeling of the crate he’s sitting against.

All around the base people are frantically hugging their loved ones and saying their goodbyes as the Resistance prepares for their departure to Exegol. Finn is taking a moment to himself to run through the ground invasion plans one last time, and to have a moment of quiet from the frantic past few hours he’s lived through.

The mess that was Pasaana. Kijimi and infiltrating the Star Destroyer. The shock of Hux saving their lives without having time to actually process that fact. The revelation that he wasn’t the only Stormtrooper in the galaxy who had defected. That for the first time in his life, he finally had others he could relate to completely. That he wasn't the only one who had made a choice, the choice to leave everything he had ever known behind.

Rey being gone.

Almost losing Poe.

Finn’s throat closes up at the memory of the absolute terror he had felt at seeing Poe lying on the ground. He hadn’t cared about anything else at that moment, just that Poe was still breathing, still with him.

He lets the emotion pass before opening his eyes once more. He’s thankful for the small pocket of silence that this corner of the base has brought, and he was glad that the owner of the x-wing in front of him hasn’t shown up yet.

Finn stands up and rests his hand against the faded orange paint of the ship. He attempts to hone in on the instinctive feeling that he had been experiencing more frequently. Something he was sure was the actual Force.

“Didn’t think I'd find you here, General.”

Finn’s eyes snap open, feeling as though he was caught red-handed when he sees Poe standing at the other end of this x-wing. He’s in his flight suit, the orange contrasting brightly against the shocking green of the trees surrounding them.

There is a brief moment where Finn cycles through what seems like a hundred emotions as he stares at his friend. Frustration. Longing. Fear. Relief. Love.

“I just… needed a moment,” he replies, his hand slipping from the surface of the x-wing. “Just a moment to breathe.” His eyes squeeze shut at the word, attempting to keep all the overwhelming feelings swimming in his gut from overflowing.

Poe steps closer, resting a hand against the x-wing, his eyes flitting around the small corner of the base they had found themselves in. “I know what you mean, buddy.”

Finn quirks a small smile, his heart fluttering at the old nickname. “That’s General to you.”

Poe chuckles, a small but strained smile gracing his features. Its gone after a second, the sadness returning to his eyes as he stands there, facing the potential future where they wouldn’t be alive within the next few hours. That everything they had endured, everything that they had fought for could all be gone within a matter of seconds.

“Listen, Finn...” he takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry for making a big deal about it.”

Finn lets out a quiet huff. “What did you think I was going to tell her?” He has a small inkling as to what Poe was so upset about, but he wants to hear it first-hand. He needs to hear it first-hand.

Finn was so tired of dancing around this unspoken thing between them. Long nights spent squished together in a shitty bunk on the Falcon. Sitting as close as possible while playing dejarik with Chewie, despite the abundance of space next to them. Moments of respite, laying on a blanket with their fingers intertwined as they stared up at the stars through the trees of Ajan Kloss.

Poe took a moment, appearing to steel himself before turning back to the x-wing with sad eyes. “That you love her. And that’s okay! I had no right to be upset about that. You deserve someone to love, after everything you’ve been through-”

Finn could feel the hysterical laughter bubbling up in his throat, and he fought desperately to keep it from overflowing. The kriffing_ idiot_.

“Poe.”

Poe’s rambling abruptly cut off.

“You really are an idiot.” Poe’s gaze drops, but before he can speak up, Finn continues. “I do love Rey. But not like that.”

Poe is visibly confused, and god Finn loves this man. “But…”

Finn hates keeping secrets from Poe. They practically didn’t have any, Finn not finding a need to withhold information about himself from the other man. He wanted to tell him about his connection to the Force, but he was afraid of his reaction when he wasn’t even sure of this connection in the first place.

Finn had been wary of the Force at first. For as long as he could remember, he had grown up surrounded by people that pushed the idea that the Force was something to be hated, something to be feared. Escaping from the First Order was nothing short of life-changing. Finn felt like he could finally breathe without having to look over his shoulder for showing too much emotion or helping another member of his squadron. For being human.

The realization came slowly. After the battle of Crait, despair and sadness had almost overwhelmed his senses on the Falcon, and Finn was left wondering why none of his fellow Resistance fighters weren’t overwhelmed with it. He reflected on why a lightsaber felt so right in his hands, more than a blaster ever had. He became aware of a subtle but constant presence in the back of his mind, always there, but never intruding. He had no evidence to prove it was Rey, but he knew without any doubt. It was like Finn’s instincts had been heightened.

Finn assumed he had always had this connection to the Force, but that his upbringing had forced him to push it deep into the back of his mind where he wouldn’t think about, couldn’t think about it without the threat of reconditioning or worse.

He had been meaning to tell General Organa, but the time never felt right. Rey focusing on her own training, and the General still appearing haunted from the losses they suffered on Crait. He was sure Rey had known, yet was allowing him the space to process on his own.

But he was tired of keeping this from Poe.

“I’ve had this instinct, this feeling…”

Poe’s eyes widen. He grips Finn’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. “The force,” he says quietly, almost reverently.

Finn’s words leave him. He simply nods, squeezing Poe’s hand fiercely, unwilling to let go, no matter the other man’s reaction.

He doesn’t expect Poe to burst into laughter, never relinquishing his hold on Finn.

“The force,” he says again, a wide smile gracing his features. He grabs Finn’s other hand and takes a step closer. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

This isn’t the reaction Finn was expecting. He can feel a smile forming as he responds. “I think I’ve always had this connection, but never realized it.” Finn glances down at their intertwined hands, noting the way that they fit together like pieces of a puzzle. “Wasn’t something I should have been thinking about in the Order.” Poe’s face takes on the expression Finn has grown so used to seeing at the mention of his life before Jakku.

“But, it's this feeling… where everything is connected in some way. I know things without even being able to articulate how,” he takes a deep breath. “And I’ve spent all this time since Crait trying to process it. I don’t know what this means for me, I’m not a Jedi.”

“Yet,” Poe says quickly, pursing his lips and waiting for Finn to continue. Finn shakes his head as a soft chuckle escapes.

“I don’t even know if we’ll be alive within the next few hours.” The words hurt, even though Finn knows they’re true. “And I was tired of you not knowing. I don’t like keeping things from you,” Finn admits quietly.

Finn can hear Poe’s breath catch. “Finn…” he clears his throat and steps closer. “You don’t need to feel like you have to tell me everything.”

Finn sighs. “I know that. Of course I do. I’ve spent the past year telling myself that I’m free. I’m my own person and nobody can control me again,” the words come out fiercely, the residual frustration at the way he had his life ripped away from him still there.

Finn pauses for a moment. His next words could change everything. His heart is hammering away in his chest, setting fire to his insides and making everything sharpen to focus on the man standing in front of him.

“You mean a lot to me, Poe,” he breathes out, determined to not look away from him. “And I want the people that mean something to me to know about this part of myself. Even if it won’t matter soon enough.”

Poe’s breath shudders from him, his hands squeezing Finn’s. “It will always matter. Whatever happens. You’re Finn, a Resistance General, and you have the _Force_. They can't change that now.”

There’s a still moment where they silently gaze at each other before Poe buries his head in Finn’s neck as he wraps his arms around him. Finn can feel the way Poe’s hair brushes his skin and prays to the Force, to anything that will listen that this isn’t the last time he gets to experience this warmth. The last time that he will feel this brightness bubbling behind his ribcage, threatening to overflow.

They stand there for what feels like hours, gripping each other in a fierce embrace that leaves Finn with a yearning deep inside his chest. Finn has had this longing since Crait, maybe even before. The desire to stay with the man in his arms for as long as he can, even if the galaxy and all the stars in it try to pull them apart.

Poe is tracing figures into the back of Finn’s jacket when reality comes rushing back in, like a tidal wave that had been building before inevitably crashing against the shore.

“Finn!”

He regretfully leans back from Poe to see Jannah jogging into the small clearing. She stops a few yards away, realizing she interrupted a moment. Poe doesn’t move an inch from Finn as he turns to look at her.

“The transport is prepared,” she says in her soft tone, her hair illuminated like a halo around her head in the sunlight. “We’re ready to go when you are.”

Finn nods. “Thanks. I’ll be there in a moment.” He cannot bring himself to talk louder than a murmur. Despite the distance, Jannah understands and turns around to jog back the way she had come.

Finn turns back to Poe, his heart aching in his chest at the look pinned on him.

“Be careful up there, General,” Poe says, not even attempting to muster a smile at the new nickname that they’ve both come to love in a few short hours.

There are so many things that Finn wants to say. So many possibilities and confessions that are on the tip of his tongue, but the words don’t come, stuck somewhere in the back of his throat. They’ve gone so long without putting a name to their closeness that Finn doesn’t know if it would be right to properly define this profound bond between them before their entire lives are potentially changed.

_Don’t leave me_. His mind is screaming. _Don’t you dare leave me now, not when we’re so close to the end. I’ve never experienced life without war. I want to know what that’s like, with you._

The silence stretches between them, the bustle of activity throughout the rest of the base reduced to a low hum. Pilots, the ground team, and other crew members are saying teary goodbyes to their loved ones, preparing for what is likely their last stand with the Resistance.

Finn stands before the man he loves and tries to hold back the words clamoring up his throat, desperate to be put out into the world before he loses his chance.

“General.”

Poe smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. ”General,” he repeats back, his voice cracking. He leans forward and slaps a hand against Finn’s shoulder as he turns to walk back to his x-wing.

Finn turns away and starts walking towards the transport, feeling his heart breaking with every step.

“Finn!”

Finn turns around, not expecting the desperate shout that has stopped him in his tracks. Poe is frozen, staring after him, his helmet dangling loosley from his hand as he grips the railing on the side of his ship. He looks as if he was ready to climb into the cockpit, but stopped at the last second.

He looks devastated, an expression that Finn has grown too used to seeing on his face after Crait.

“Poe?”

Poe pauses for a moment before shaking his head, his helmet slipping from his hand as he jogs the short distance back towards Finn.

Finn has only seen him both determined and terrified like this before they climbed into the tie fighter moments after they first met. A tiny ball of hope settles in his chest, growing by the second.

“Come back to me,” Poe breathes, his hand coming to rest against Finn’s chest, where he can feel the pounding of his heart. He’s shaking. “_Dammit_, come back to me. I know you believe that it's worth it to give your life to bring down the organization that took so much from you, but I’m here asking you not to.”

And Finn was so tired of this treading around what they actually wanted to say. So tired.

“Why?” The word slips from his lips without a second thought. Finn lets a moment of silence pass before pushing ahead. “I need to hear it.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Finn keeps staring at Poe, trying to show how badly he needs Poe to finally put words to this connection between them. “Kriff, Finn. Because you’re the most important person in the galaxy to me. Because I’m in love with you, probably have been since Chewie carried you off the Falcon after Starkiller. Because I don’t want to know what my world would look like without you.”

Poe places his hands on Finn’s hips, tugging him closer. “I’ve been a fool. I’ve waited too long to put a name to this thing between us.” His eyes drift to Finn’s lips, as his voice drops to a little above a whisper. “And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t spend the last year showing you how much you mean to me. How much I want to spend the rest of my days with you.”

Finn can feel the tears pushing at the corners of his eyes. God, this beautiful but stupid man. Finn loves him more than anything.

“Poe Dameron,” he says as his voice shakes, the tears audible in his tone. “My co-general, my friend, my pilot, my love. I would do everything in my power to come back to you, no matter how many stars and planets stand in my way. I’ll always return to your side.” Finn slides a hand to the back of Poe’s neck, bringing their foreheads to rest together as the tears start to stream down his cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Poe’s eyes are watering as he gazes at Finn in pure adoration. “I want you to meet my father, and see where I grew up. I want you to find a home with me, so we can build a life together.” Poe takes a deep breath before continuing. “You’ll love the force tree, and the fact that there’s no sand,” he says with a smirk. Finn is so caught off guard at the attempt to lighten the mood that he giggles. Poe brings his fingers up to wipe the tears off Finn’s cheeks before returning to his waist and tugging him infinitely closer.

Finn knows their time is running out, that any minute now, someone will be by to remind Finn they’re waiting for him. He doesn’t hesitate to tug Poe into his space until their lips are slotted together, Finn’s eyes fluttering shut at the contentment bursting in his chest. The feeling is overwhelming, rushing from behind his ribcage and down to his toes. He cannot tell if this is him or if he is feeling some of Poe’s own emotions. Finn never wants it to end.

Poe hums into the kiss, opening his mouth to Finn. Finn’s hand slides into Poe’s hair, tugging at his curls slightly as he pours everything he has into the kiss. Every last emotion, hope, and fear he’s had about Poe and the rest of the war in the last year. The First Order could attack at that very moment and Finn wouldn’t even notice. Not when he’s finally experiencing the one thing he’s yearned for the most throughout this war.

They kiss for forever and only a second, breaking apart only when Finn cannot hold his breath any longer.

“I have to go,” he whispers into the stillness between them as Poe trails light kisses across his cheeks and down his neck. “Come back to me when we’ve won, Poe. Please.”

Poe pulls Finn into a final hug, his lips continuing to press small kisses to his neck. “I’ll always come back to you, as long as you vow to do the same. I can’t be a co-general without you,” he says with a smirk as he steps back.

Finn smiles back. “I love you. Be safe.”

Finn begins to back up towards where he knows Jannah and the rest of the crew are anxiously waiting for him as their leader. They hold hands as long as physically possible, only breaking apart when the distance is too great.

“I know,” Poe states. He laughs at the huff he gets from Finn in return. “I love you too. I’ll see you.”

Finn continues to think about Poe’s words, about the future that is so close in reach he can almost picture it as he boards the transport, Jannah a comforting presence at his side.

He gazes out the window as the transport lifts off the ground, the pilot typing in the coordinates to Exegol. Finn can see Poe standing in the small clearing he was in a minute prior, hands on his hips as he gazes up at the transport leaving.

“Do you think we can do this?” Jannah’s words are hushed, but carry an abundance of hope that Finn can feel in his chest.

Finn turns back to the window, continuing to gaze after Poe as they rise higher into the sky above Ajan Kloss.

And he knows. Whether it's the Force or just a gut feeling, he knows.

“We can. We’re going to win.”

“How do you know?”

A breath.

“A feeling.”

**Author's Note:**

> what is it with my two favorite franchises inspiring me to write fic in the past year? first marvel and now star wars!
> 
> while i don't absolutely hate tros, there were a lot of things i wish i could change about it. finn's force sensitivity being more acknowledged and finnpoe were two of them. i hope i've done these two characters justice!
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> give me a follow on twitter at srgntbuck!


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